STEP by any other name...works just as well!
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STEP by any other name...works just as well!

As well-known and -used as STEP concepts are, I think the mainstream on childrearing advice has always veered closer to Dr. Spock than Dr. Adler.
 
So it's very reassuring to read STEP advice, even incognito, in a mainstream publication like Better Homes and Gardens.
 
The current issue has a lead article (sadly, there's no call-out on the cover) called "The Fourth R: Resilience".
 
It features child psychology experts Madeline Levine and Tamar Chansky giving us Alderian principles under the topic of resilience. They also reference my favorite social scientist, Carol S. Dweck of Stanford, and her research showing that kids who are labeled smart start to suffer immediately from what she calls 'fixed mindset" stunting their ability to take risks and learn from failure.

The article offers advice on letting kids learn for themselves how to take risks, make mistakes, and bounce back from failures. In other words, how to COPE.
 
These are the principles we learn from STEP and I don't care what we call them-- they work.

Some examples given: helping your kids deal with setbacks as social rejection and the impact of social media. Recommended: empathy/reflective listening and exploring alternatives. Not recommended: swooping in to talk to other parents, offering advice and trying to "fix" things with pronouncements like "You're the best! Everyone loves you!".  While that last may be true, it won't address their feelings at the moment.

The best line: "You're there to guide your children to the best possible decisions, but ultimately you have to step back and let them make their own choices."

A man who recently took STEP with me had a great thought-- you need to take a step back in order to move forward.

I'll second that!
 

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